Mental marathon

𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐧

As a kid I got 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴 during tennis matches – I instinctually tried to repress them, though often started hyperventilating (hard to repress). 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯? I put immense pressure on myself in the face of individual goals, like a school test or tennis. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘹? I stopped playing tennis. It was no cure: my attacks, though less frequent, remained and intensified during my numerous conditions/injuries throughout my life (ask my GP/physio), all almost exclusively with no clear cause.

This year, I decided to challenge it with a big individual goal: 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘮 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘯. Deliberately adding ‘enjoy’, to not focus on the competitive but the mental aspect (also enjoying is nice). In the following weeks, next to my physical training, I studied the physical impact of repressed anxiety (the book “Healing back pain” in detail, which explains pain as a mental diversion – hard to grasp, I know), coupled with great discussions. Nonetheless, the week before the marathon I was very anxious and got injured; I couldn't run a single meter. Typically, I would have cancelled. However, I was certain my injury was the result of my mental state and redistributed time from running practice to studying.

Last Sunday, I arrived well-studied but so so nervous at the start. The injury hurt like hell the first kilometers – enjoying was impossible. Though, I told myself: “𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.” Repeated it. Over. And over. For 15K. It felt more reassuring every kilometer – no structural injury would allow this. Then, at 15K, it happened: I convinced myself, 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘥! Though, my anxiety did not dissolve; I acknowledged it and didn't allow it to manifest as pain anymore. The next 27K, were pain-free and I enjoyed wobbling through Rotterdam fueled by groovy tunes (shoutout to my boys from Parcels) and incredible spectators!

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬?

While I often see pure physical pain and conditions taken seriously, consequences of repressed anxiety are not nearly as often recognized. When they are, it’s merely for the physical consequence – for instance, a knee injury. This leaves a huge gap where people are often not being treated for the root cause of their conditions/pain.

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭?

1. Educate yourself. Read a book, like the above mentioned “Healing back pain” – recommendation to everyone, even more to those who put great pressure on themselves and suffer from longer term “unfixable” pain syndromes (e.g. hernia, fibromyalgia, …)

2. Contribute. I set up a fundraiser for mental health after the marathon (people usually do that upfront – would have gotten me far too anxious). Whether you also feel this is important or just think it’s cool I ran a marathon, feel free to donate.

Thank you for reading - please reach out with any questions/discussion topics!